Republican Presidential nominations

By Chris Rogers

And the Republican Mock Presidential nominees are...

Rudy Giuliani. Mike Huckabee. John McCain. Alan Keyes. Ron Paul. Mitt Romney. Fred Thompson.

The campaigns kept their speech length to a minumum tonight, and gave us a good overview of each candidate's policy beliefs. Here is a rundown of what I learned from the speeches:

Rudy Giuliani is "the definition of a true American" and rebuilt New York City after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Mike Huckabee is one of the few consistent Republican candidates and is both conservative and progressive.

John McCain will "take the Second Amendment and, like, keep it as in tact as possible" and wants to be a leader for the troops in Iraq.

Apparently no one cares about Alan Keyes, he was not spoken for.

Ron Paul's speaker, Josh Carrigan, earned the most applause with a polished speech. For the finale he used repitition to bring home Ron Paul's belief in small government. A crowd favorite was the line: "If you vote for Ron Paul, you are not saying that you like to smoke marijuana, but that (the government should not put you in jail) for doing so."

Mitt Romney's folks decided to go with a video directed by a film student from Brigham Young University. It showed that Mitt Romney is "not as funny as he thinks he is."

Fred Thompson, the "classic American man," has consistent voting records and will not be an actor to the American people.